Lecken der Gesichter

It’s been weeks since the last time I blogged.  Here’s the run down on some happenings:

1.  I made chocolate hazelnut and cashew baklava a few weeks ago.

2. BΩB v ATΩ Field Day

3. Cheryl had sent me flowers for my show and they lived for over two weeks!

4. I moved.  This isn’t a good representation of my new place.  This was just the only photo I took of it so far, and it’s just of my closet.  I will give you a virtual tour soon!

5.  I had my birthday!  Unfortunately, I didn’t take any pictures of it at all because I left my camera.  Colin had a barbecue at his house “in my honor”.  We played board games and stuff.  It was a lot lot lot of fun.  He also got me Super Smash Brothers Brawl, and we played for like four hours straight afterwards.  Jackie gave me some linoleum prints she made in art class.

6.  Ashley and I went on the most epic of grrl dates last night.  First off, again, I left my nikon.  However, I recently found one of my toy cameras through the moving process so I’ve been taking lots of fotos (mainly of Colin) on expired colored film.  Anyways, on our grrl date, Ashley, Jackie, and I went to this Indian restaurant.  We all ordered things we weren’t sure about (except I ordered mutter paneer, which I thought was what I liked, and it was).  We probably spent at least half an hour just reading the menu and deciding and then when Ashley got her order, it was GIANT.  Little Ashley Long could never finish that much!  Since I didn’t have my camera, of course I took some low quality camera phone fotos, which I will upload later.  After we dropped Jackie off because she had school today, Ashley and I went and watched Iron Man 2.  I’ve noticed that we’ve consecutively have been watching Robert Downey Jr. movies in the last few grrl dates we’ve had.  ALSO, Ashley DROVE. Well, sort of.  She drove following her mom to my house, and then I drove us around.  But then after the date, Ashley drove home all by herself!

So now that I’m home in St. Louis, I CANNOT wait to leave.  My allergies have been absolutely terrible here.  I’ve worked every day, which has been nice.  I really REALLY need money right now. I just want to go home and sit around, play video games, and clean my gross kitchen.  The kitchen at home is SO disgusting.  Not only are all of the appliances from the 70s, but there ARE ANTS.  I HATE ANTS.  There’s water damage in all of the cabinets, mold in the refrigerator and on all of the counter tops, and a sticky film on every door handle and knob.  I’m grossed out just thinking about it.  I also can’t wait to go work out again.  I never have time to exercise in St. Louis because my parents have me do all kinds of shit for them all day.

Anyways, Colin and I might go to Grant’s Farm on Saturday when he gets back from New Jersey.   And then his brother is having a graduation party.  I also have to take Jackie to a birthday party.  She is always going to parties and doing fun things and shit.  I never got to do half of the stuff she gets to do now.  Oh, and I’m going to the dentist tomorrow.  I love the dentist!

Sorry for the extra long, scattered post.  I’ll have better submissions soon.

More than ANYTHING, I hate B+s.  <–look, it even looks like B.S.

I really wouldn’t mind it too much if Truman actually showed +s in your transcript, but they don’t.  So teachers tell you, “Hey, you did a really great job, but you tapered down a little towards the end.  That’s why I’m giving you a B, but a B-plus.”  WHAT THE FUCK BULL SHIT!

Why don’t you just give me a straight up B then and cut the crap!  I don’t want a sympathy (+) when it doesn’t mean anything but tell me I’m not good enough.  I think teachers believe that adding a plus will encourage students to work harder, but for me, it tells me to not bother, because I have no idea what your subjective standards are and I’m sick of working my ass off for a B+.  For Fuck’s sake, I’d rather have a C than a B+; a shitty grade in place of an indecisive grade.  In my grading world, since I don’t get Ds or Fs, the B+ is literally the worst grade I can get.

Now that my BFA show is over, I have no idea what to do anymore.  Leah told me that when she was done with her ceramics show last semester, it was like giving birth to a baby, and then the baby just disappeared.  I kind of feel that way.   Just a weird sadness and not belonging anywhere.  What the fuck do I do now?  I feel even more detached simply because I’m staying an extra year.  It was hard enough when I missed Jessica, Abby, Lorrie, and Amber graduating, but now people my own age are going and I feel lonelier than ever.  Since finishing my show, I still have not attended to myself and have not gotten restful sleep.  When I’m awake, I’m not thinking clearly and make ridiculous decisions and say crazy things.  I’m losing control of myself.  This isn’t me.  I am not me right now.  And I want to be so desperately.  I’ve gone to Yoga this week, which has restored some of my sanity.  I haven’t been eating what I want, either.  I’m hoping that I find my way again, soon.  Because I’m starting to revisit a part of me that I want nothing to do with.

Steamed Rice, Chinese Sausage, steamed broccoli, a fried egg and shoy yu sauce. YUMMMM

why did I get 65 hits yesterday???

I am totally boned by:

My fledgling BFA show plus the 40 page paper for it

Drawing V independent drawing work and the advanced drawing show I have to organize for it

10 page paper with no guidelines or prompt for English

Stressing out about money, and the lack of it

Did I get accepted to take a summer class at MACC or what???

Crazy allergies

People I love getting sick

The last several weeks have been a living hell.  At my lowest point, I felt as if my show wouldn’t happen.  With that stress, only more piled on with my father going to the hospital, my mom trying to pull the family together only to be dealt a bad hand herself, and my sister going through her own dire life crisis.  I was also pms-ing extra hard, and I said things to Colin that I didn’t mean.  The entire last week could not have gotten any worse.  I felt so unwanted and just a pain in the ass for everyone.  I still feel pretty helpless about the situations, but now that I’m done grieving, even though things don’t feel good, and just about everything has fallen apart, I guess that all I can do is work my way out of it.

Today is the cakewalk.  With that, I have to rewrite a good chunk of my BFA paper, research for my final paper for English, print out copies of my resume, a quiz in English, check out the non-profit fair,  German class, curate a drawing show, meet with non-profit leaders, design a poster for BOB, work on my 3rd piece for my show, and find time to eat, maybe.  I’ve already worked out today, which makes me feel so great.  Ok.  It is 9am.  Time to get this shit done.

Yesterday, Colin and I had a mini, mini vacation at Thousand Hills.  We swung on the swings and frolicked in the icy water.

It was pretty windy, but beautiful.

Yesterday I had my midterm-grade-committee meeting for my BFA show.  My committee, which consists of Dr. Shoaff, Aaron Fine, and Jim Jereb, gave me a ‘B’ for midterm.  They really liked my paper and how I’ve developed it, but noted that my work was lacking.  That’s fair.  I was expecting a ‘C’.  This will only make me work harder, now, and I already know how I’m going to change this around.  I’m going to get an A.

Last night, I had nightmare after nightmare and I couldn’t wake myself up from them, no matter how hard I tried.  When I woke up this morning, I made myself a rice omelet for breakfast (mainly because we watched Tampopo last night) which made me late for class.  It was 11:25 when I left for my 11:30 class, and as I got on my bike, I slipped, bruising up my cooter.  If what I felt, is what guys feel whenever they get kicked in the nuts,  then shit!  I am SORRY for ever kicking anyone in the nads.  My mons is pretty bruised and it hurt so much initially that I even teared up.  I couldn’t decide whether or not I should slink back home and lay down or be really late for class, slowly and excruciatingly riding my bike.  Well, I went to class only to discuss my most hated poet, Pablo Neruda, and his poetry that we read for homework.  I hate Pablo Neruda. To make matters worse, I got back my midterm and I got a SEVENTY-ONE on it.  WTF.  I didn’t miss a lot of questions on the ID or Multiple choice, but she knocked off so much on my short essays.  On the actual instructions on the test itself, as well as her oral instructions, she said to answer her prompts in 2 paragraphs or less, as thoroughly as possible.  How the heck am I supposed to answer in two or less paragraphs???  Well, I did, and then when she turned back our papers, she told the class that we should have written more.  I hate this class.  No one reads for class, no one cares about what we’re reading or the class in itself, and that attitude has finally rubbed off on me.  World Literature: Politics of Food is a waste of time, and I wish that I had taken something else.

Now, tired from terrible sleep, with my nether-regions bruised, and my academic success hanging in the balance, I have a quiz in German just an hour away.  I can’t wait for this weekend to begin.

1. “I think we’re both deeper than normal people”

—Miley Cyrus about her new boy toy

stupid!

2. Ear infections; currently suffering.  Desperately dripped 50/50 water vinegar mix into my ear canal as a homeopathic remedy.  It works!

3. Getting creeped on by some scary motherfucker at the library who tried to follow me into the ladies room, wtf?!  He even had the audacity to wait for me outside once I left.

4. Popular terms for people finding my blog through search engines today include: ‘samus aran’ with ‘no clothes’ and ‘shirtless long hair‘.  While searching for entries on Google for ‘shirtless long hair’, I found this:

this:

pretty young men

(which I’m confused about.  Is it supposed to be ‘pretty, young men’ or ‘pretty young men’?)

and this:

Daniel Radcliffe Shirtless

(First of all, he doesn’t even have long hair!)

This search also reminded me of Jessica Endaya, using the term, “Topless” rather than “Shirtless” for all sexes.  It must have been a total disappointment for people who found my blog today.