Now that my BFA show is over, I have no idea what to do anymore. Leah told me that when she was done with her ceramics show last semester, it was like giving birth to a baby, and then the baby just disappeared. I kind of feel that way. Just a weird sadness and not belonging anywhere. What the fuck do I do now? I feel even more detached simply because I’m staying an extra year. It was hard enough when I missed Jessica, Abby, Lorrie, and Amber graduating, but now people my own age are going and I feel lonelier than ever. Since finishing my show, I still have not attended to myself and have not gotten restful sleep. When I’m awake, I’m not thinking clearly and make ridiculous decisions and say crazy things. I’m losing control of myself. This isn’t me. I am not me right now. And I want to be so desperately. I’ve gone to Yoga this week, which has restored some of my sanity. I haven’t been eating what I want, either. I’m hoping that I find my way again, soon. Because I’m starting to revisit a part of me that I want nothing to do with.
May 22, 2010 at 6:28 am
The best thing you can do right now it take care of yourself and GET YOURS! fuck other people! You do what you have to do to get what you want. If that means an extra year then you will be fine because it is only a means to an end. You’ll be great baby girl and we are all behind you!