A friend of mine just broke up with her boyfriend. I don’t know if this friend reads my blog or not, but I think I’d be mortified if she knew I was writing about this, but what she had said to me about it, really affected me in a profound way.
In fact, I may be crying.
It’s really weird to think about what I really want from life, because doing so makes me have to self-evaluate or search or analyze something that isn’t physically there. I don’t mean to be cryptic, but I can’t find words to explain what I truly feel.
So, my friend tells me that she breaks up with her boyfriend, and the reasons are because things didn’t line up. She says that she still loves him and cries. She cries! That really breaks my heart. But more than anything that affected me, was that she broke up with him, because she knows what she wants, and what she wanted wasn’t there.
More or less she said, “I wanted to express how I felt deeply for him, but he didn’t believe in love. I’ve suppressed those feelings for so long that now when he finally feels love, I can’t anymore. Now, I want to be young, and love, and get hurt, and not know what comes next.”
My friend is very beautiful, but I don’t think she’s ever been as beautiful as at that moment.
I know that it’s only ten-thirty right now, but I’m having trouble sleeping. I’ve been really exhausted, dizzy, and light headed all day. I’m master cleansing again, because I realized how terribly I had been treating my body. I’ve been fairly cranky and weird. I don’t think about my hunger, but appreciate that it exists. This time around, my cleanse is a lot different and even more difficult than my first cleanse. I think there is something that I’m not letting go. Or maybe it’s stress from my show (among other things).
